Some time ago, I developed the concept of “Competent Person’s Disease” which I consider synonymous with being addicted to 2nd place. Over time, I have become increasingly convinced of this phenomenon – which I consider to be one of the most self-limiting behavior patterns that I observe.
A major problem with being addicted to 2nd place is the fact that many, if not most of such addicts, don’t reach the therapist’s office or other sources of help and guidance.
The 2nd place addict knows that s/he’s not a loser. In fact, that type of person performs very well – so well that s/he “saves” others from growing and developing and taking responsibility for behaviors that they can do, but possibly not as well as the 2nd place addict. The 2nd place addict knows that s/he can function even when experiencing pain, overload, and even abusive behaviors from others.
If you find that you are the only one in the family who can load your dishwasher properly, or if you are the only one who can be trusted to mail a bill to ensure that it actually gets into the mailbox, or if you are the only one who can do the food shopping or picking up the laundry or running the vacuum so that the floor gets properly cleaned, you are likely addicted to 2nd place.
At your workplace, if you find that you are staying longer hours than your coworkers – including your boss, or if you working so hard that you have no energy left for yourself at the end of the work day, you are probably addicted to 2nd place.
This type of behavior doesn’t occur by accident. It occurs within a context that includes your history as well as the fact that those people who you are treating better than you treat yourself have no motivation to make you change. While it can be enticing to do things more effectively than other people, even if you are overloaded or not feeling well, it becomes counterproductive and blatantly unfair to yourself.
To help you develop the self-confidence to enable you to overcome the addiction to 2nd place, The Mental Health Gym will soon be offering an interactive and action-oriented course with a lot of accompanying materials. The tentative title is, “The Beginner’s Guide to Self-Confidence; a 12-step program for overcoming the addiction to 2nd place”. If the title resonates with you, and you are not yet a member of The Mental Health Gym, make sure to join by going to our website and signing up at www.thementalhealthgym.com. Among other programs and benefits that are planned for members of The Mental Health Gym in 2016, there will be a reduced course enrollment fee for Gym members.
Let your friends also know about it if they have a 2nd place addiction. We are planning to enroll participants and start the course in March.