It’s a common strategy employed by teams in all of the various sports. When performance breaks down in some way and the top players are not producing or are lethargic or even trying too hard but not getting results, the coach will typically go to the bench and bring in another player. A football coach…
The Art of Relabeling
We’ve all heard those motivational sayings like, “Problems are opportunities in disguise,” and “The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity while the optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty”. They represent examples of “relabeling” – which is simply the process of labeling something differently. In psychology, the term has come to refer to the process of…
Get Rid of Counterproductive Associations and Rituals
There is a known principle of behavior change – particularly if you are trying to change a bad habit. You have to break the association between the habit and the situation in which it occurs. Thus, smokers have to learn to get up from the table when they finish a meal rather than lingering and…
Taking Control of Uncomfortable Situations
Not long ago, the former governor of my state of Pennsylvania and his wife, who is a federal judge, announced that they were getting a divorce. Their announcement was unique in that it emphasized that the divorce was amicable, they were comfortable in being in each other’s company, and people who know them both and…
The Importance of Persistence
The best way to make yourself invulnerable is to not try. The student in school who doesn’t study for a test and then fails has a built-in excuse; “I didn’t really fail. I just didn’t try”. The person who sits in the corner at a party or meeting and doesn’t start or join in a…
Have Respect for Playfulness
The five P’s of the Type P Personality are: Personal goal-driven; Positive; Proactive; Persistent; and Playful. When I explain my theory to patients and colleagues, I don’t get much quibbling about the first four, but I’ve run into quite a few doubters about the importance of playfulness. It’s an argument that I am happy to…
The Art of Saying “Thank You!”
It happens at least once a week in my therapy practice. Since my approach to psychotherapy involves focusing on strengths, I frequently will point out to patients, who may be struggling with various problems, that it is important to not lose sight of the positive things that they have or are accomplishing. The fact that…
Pick Your Battles… And Achieve Personal Victories
Even those of us who have a positive psychology orientation have to admit that sometimes life seems like a war made up of a series of battles. Active people have lots of things going on at one time. When you’ve achieved something that you’ve set out to do, it’s very satisfying and you feel like…
“How Will That Get You There?”
When I see patients in therapy, one of the questions that I use the most is, “How will that get you there?” My orientation in therapy is future-focused. We set goals and use therapy as a means of building skills to achieve them. When patients are stuck or resistant or do things that are regressed…
There’s Nothing I Can Do About It
As far as I’m concerned, the most annoying seven-word phrase in the English language is, “There’s nothing I can do about it.” Sometimes it gets attached to three other words to become the annoying ten-word phrase, “I’m sorry but there’s nothing I can do about it.” As a psychologist, I try not to get angry…
Look Backward With Pride
While January is the traditional time for making resolutions that may soon be broken, I’d like to offer an alternative. The year that just ended, just like every year, was probably a “mixed bag” of good experiences and bad experiences. Hopefully, most of what you remember from last year has been good although reality does…