The Blame Game is one of those games that you can lose by winning. You play the blame game by looking at those things that you’ve fallen short of accomplishing or those goals that you haven’t achieved – and then you find somewhat outside yourself to blame for it.
There often is no shortage of possible targets of blame. Mothers are usually a good for it, as are other family members. Many of us can also identify lousy teachers in our history, unsympathetic bosses, or peers and co-workers who either undermined us or didn’t appreciate us enough.
If we can successfully convince ourselves that we have no responsibility for our shortcomings, then we’ve won. But, in truth, we’ve lost.
Success depends upon us acknowledging that others may have been able to have helped us more as we traveled the highway of life, but we have more control over the future now that we are in the driver’s seat. If we are more concerned about assigning blame for our problems rather than trying to solve them, we can continue to play and win the blame game while losing the possibility of making a better future for ourselves.
My 6-step process for giving up on the blame game involves the following:
1. Accept that we have been wronged some of the time (maybe even much of the
time).
2. Decide to let go of that part of our history.
3. Embrace that part of our history that has made us resilient.
4. Appreciate the achievements in our history.
5. Either forgive or forget those who have wronged us. Don’t let their behaviors
control us any longer.
6. Resolve to use our unique strengths to take charge of the direction of our lives.
Taking these steps doesn’t guarantee that we will always be successful, but it will lead to a change in focus. Our focus will be on goal setting, trying, and achieving. If we do our best in moving forward, blame does not have to be a necessary part of our vocabulary.
That is a way of winning The Blame Game without losing.