It is fashionable to make New Year’s resolutions during this season. In fact, my December podcast addresses the issue of making them from a position of strength to enhance the likelihood that you will keep them. Today, however, I’d like to look at the other side of the coin.
Letting go is an approach to healthy living that doesn’t require major overt behavior change. It may not be as dramatic as stopping smoking or going on a diet or starting to work out regularly, but its impact upon your emotional health can be just as profound.
Think about some old resentments, grudges, and feelings of being wronged from the past. The ones that creep into your thinking from time to time. You know – the ones that cause you to relive the pain of the initial insult. Memory distortions that take place over time may actually make it more painful every time that you relive it. It’s not fun and it’s emotionally draining.
Assertiveness is a really important skill to use when you feel that you have been wronged. It is important to address and report abuse, and is important to non- defensively confront a current friend or family member who has caused you emotional pain. However, when you continue to allow someone else’s thoughtlessness or otherwise inappropriate behavior to intrude upon your thoughts and feelings long after a relationship with that person has ended, you are giving that person an inordinate amount of power over you. Another aspect of assertiveness involves feeling confident enough to regain personal power and move on from a toxic relationship – even if you didn’t overtly get even with that person.
Take back that power! Declare victory over your feelings of victimization. You will be surprised at how good it feels to let go. You may actually also feels a boost in energy when you are no longer being drained by toxic relationships.
Making resolutions and letting go from a position of strength can make the holiday season an especially rewarding one. Best wishes for the happiest of holiday seasons and a wonderful 2012.