There is a known principle of behavior change – particularly if you are trying to change a bad habit. You have to break the association between the habit and the situation in which it occurs. Thus, smokers have to learn to get up from the table when they finish a meal rather than lingering and giving themselves time to light up. Problem drinkers learn to go restaurants that do not have a liquor license. Headache patients who overuse pain meds need to learn distraction techniques so that they won’t be watching the clock and reaching for medication just because 4 or 6 hours have passed. Breaking an association between a habit and a situation removes the ritual quality from the habit.
The same principle applies when you are trying to make a behavior change from neutral to positive. You don’t have to have a bad habit to have ritualistic behavior. Almost all of us have some routines that do us a disservice. What are yours? Watching TV in bed and cutting into sleeping time? Watching TV or reading while eating – rather than enjoying food and conversation? Delaying working out until later when you are too tired to do so? Raising an important topic for discussion with a spouse or child until the morning when everyone is too rushed to give it adequate attention.
This is a good time to examine those behaviors that stand in the way of satisfaction and good emotional and physical health. What associations can be broken in order to increase your chances for success? What rituals are maintaining negative or neutral behaviors and standing in the way of satisfying change. You may be surprised at how easy it will be to achieve improved health, interpersonal relationships, and self-esteem just by breaking certain associations. Some of you who have done so may have some examples or guidance to share with the rest of us.