One of the questions that I typically ask my new therapy patients is, “When was the best time in your life?” Almost everybody can identify a best time. It may not have been objectively great or even a time to which a patient may want to return, but it was generally positive and memorable.
It’s not just a question designed to aid in gathering history; it often is a meaningful part of the process of therapeutic change. Invariably, when patients examine why that time was so good, they can identify certain of their behaviors and attitudes that made that time so special. Oftentimes, those behaviors and attitudes have been abandoned over time in response to the pressures associated with earning a living, raising a family, competing with others, and dealing with too many people who are unsupportive and critical.
It is important to get in touch with those behaviors and attitudes that existed during the best time of your life – whether they be associated with your intellect, personality, athleticism, personal appearance, or carefree spirit. If you don’t regularly think of those things that you contributed to making the best time so good, it is important to get back in touch with them. They are are a part of you. If you can combine them with your experience and maturity, you can make the future an even better time.
A key purpose of Goal-Achieving Psychotherapy is to help you look forward in anticipation of better times. That doesn’t mean disregarding the past – but it does mean not being overly-focused on the negative parts of the past while ignoring the best time in your life (so far).