One of the real joys of working with people is the opportunity to be involved in their growth and change. One of the real challenges, however, occurs when I observe someone changing up to a point – and the s/he stops and either goes no further or even reverts to old behaviors.
It’s almost as if someone is alongside these people and whispering in their ears – cautioning them of the dangers of making a change or questioning the wisdom of personal growth or warning them of all the things that can go wrong.
Unfortunately, ear whisperers have their own agendas – and they are not necessarily concerned with your best interests. It’s a known observation in family therapy, for example, that when only one member of the family begins to improve, other members may put up road blocks to try to impede the improvement. Parents who have babied their child into adulthood may fear losing their “jobs” if the child becomes an independent adult. The spouse who fears having to adjust to a new community or social circle may create barriers to the other spouse’s career advancement.
If somebody has been whispering in your ear long enough throughout your development, they don’t have to physically be near you for you to hear their whispers. Critical parents and teachers and bosses, jealous peers, and others may have put you down enough for you to treat their judgments as facts – even when they are not around. In essence, you can wind up doing their behavior for them by whispering into your own ear.
Let me give you some advice loud and clear without whispering. When you have the opportunity to make a decision that may benefit you personally, even if it’s not guaranteed to be successful, listen to yourself and to those who offer their opinions respectfully.
Whispering in the ear should be reserved for your romantic partner – and don’t automatically believe him or her either.